ARE YOU A SECRET PERFECTIONIST (PART 1)
I work with a lot of clients who are shocked to find out they’ve been a perfectionist for many years. A lot of them have this idea that perfectionists are always “Type A” individuals who are great at getting things done, meet all their deadlines, always show up on time, get good grades or promotions, and other typical “good student” behaviors. They also might think that they can’t be a perfectionist if they have ADHD, depression, or anxiety. However, anyone can be a perfectionist!
Signs you might be dealing with perfectionism:
You can’t keep track of all your projects, tasks, or to do list
You can’t make decisions, nothing feels “just right”
You’re quick to start new projects, get very excited, but quickly lose your passion for it
You have a hard time finishing what you started
You don’t feel motivated
You want to do things but they may seem impossible, too hard, or like you just can’t
You nitpick at details others may not notice
You do nothing because there’s too many options
Even when you finish something you don’t feel good about it, or any positive feelings are short-lived before you find something wrong with it
You’re constantly tweaking things instead of leaving them alone (sometimes you may even do this to yourself or other people)
You may have gotten away with these for a long time before being recognized as a perfectionist because many of these qualities only appear when it comes to things you want to do for yourself. For example, passion projects, hobbies, things that may excel your own knowledge or skills. This may seem counter-intuitive, but you work well under pressure, especially when there are external consequences.
For example:
Your grades depend on it
Your job depends on it
Someone is counting on you or you made a promise to them
You’re also likely the kind of person who:
Hates disappointing others
Blame yourself for even the tiniest mistakes
Expect things to go wrong at every turn
Afraid to be found out as a fraud or imposter
Doubt your own skills or knowledge
Want to please people who are important to you
Think other people are just better than you, know more than you, can actually get things done
Being a perfectionist is not good or bad. It’s simply a matter of habit. Sometimes these tendencies are helpful, other times they may stop you from following through on your goals and getting the things you want in life. But like any habit, these tendencies can be broken and you can actually do the things that are important to you. You can be accountable to yourself and you can practice doing things quickly and well enough, even if it means sometimes making a mistake.
Next, learn How To Overcome Perfectionism (Part 2)
I am Dr. Alice Rizzi, a psychologist in New York City and Brooklyn. I specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for anxiety, stress, and OCD. Contact me today to feel better and achieve your goals!