How To Overcome Perfectionism (Part 2)
If you didn’t read Part 1, find it here: Are You A Secret Perfectionist? (Part 1)
I help my clients first realize that they may have covert perfectionistic tendencies, and then look at when those tendencies are helpful and when they may be harmful.
Once you realize these are just tendencies that are often based on how you feel (and not on what’s actually true), you have the power to change them. We can work on your approach to tasks, your beliefs about yourself and how you’re “supposed” to do things, and the consequences you’re so afraid of (even though sometimes you may not even realize it). We can also figure out what actually motivates you, helps you stay on track, and when you are most likely to finish what you start.
Strategies to Manage Perfectionism:
Keep an ongoing list of your tasks, projects, and promises to yourself. Check them off as you go.
Think and write about why these are important to you - and then ask yourself, what’s the reason behind that?
What kind of person will you be if you get it done?
How will you feel about yourself if you accomplish this?
What do you think it will mean if it’s not “just right?”
Do you know that for a fact?
When are you most likely to get things done?
At what point do you usually get stuck and/or “drop” a project? When does it stop seeming interesting or important?
Do you ever get back to old projects/tasks? What helps you do that? Are you more likely to finish it then?
Try to prioritize these tasks - this can be based on urgency (deadlines) and importance (value or meaning to you)
Practice making decisions on a timer - if the timer goes off or your deadline passes, challenge yourself to make a decision even if you don’t feel ready, if you don’t think you have enough information, or it doesn’t seem like the right time
If you really need to ask someone else for advice, pick a select number of individuals who you know may give you different opinions and don’t ask for additional reassurance if you don’t get the response you were expecting
Notice what happens once you made a decision, submitted a project, or left alone the thing you were working on. Challenge yourself not to go back to tweak it or “fix” anything, and then, come back to it a week, a month, or a year later. Do you still feel the urge to change it? Were there drastic consequences from not “fixing” it?
Are you able to tolerate any feelings that come up? What helps you get through it?
Do you beat yourself up regardless of the outcome?
Practice this affirmation: “Done is better than perfect and good is good enough.”
What comes up for you? Does this statement feel true? Can you try to implement it? What would your life look like if this were true? What could you achieve?
Start with small tasks, projects, and decisions. This new habit of “just doing it” gets easier with practice. If you want additional support and accountability, book a free 15-minute consultation with me.
I am Dr. Alice Rizzi, a psychologist in New York City and Brooklyn. I specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for anxiety, stress, and OCD. Contact me today to feel better and achieve your goals!