How To Listen Effectively and Five Reasons You Should Care
“Dr. Alice Rizzi of Together Mindful On How To Listen Effectively To Succeed Personally And Professionally”
Check out this segment from my Authority Magazine interview with Doug Noll. Read the full article here.
Video of the 5 reasons it’s important and helpful to be an effective listener.
What are some practical techniques that have helped you become a more effective listener?
I consider there to be five key steps to becoming an effective listener. Four that describe what you do, and one that describes how to do it.
A) What you do after a person has spoken is paraphrase and summarize what they’ve said, check-in on whether your summary was accurate, and validate their emotions. Then, ask relevant questions as needed. This shows interest, engagement, and understanding in the person and the information they’ve presented. Try some of the following phrases:
- What I heard you say was… (This shows you’re on the same page and attending to the information.)
- Did I get that right? (This checks in on the accuracy of your understanding and allows them to fill in any gaps or correct any misunderstandings.)
- Tell me more about… or Can I ask you about x, y, z? (These show interest and curiosity which help them feel more important, special, and connected to you.)
B) How you do it involves verbal and nonverbal cues. Looking at the person while they’re speaking, nodding your head, not looking away or playing with your cellphone, and using subtle verbal nudges like “mhm,” “yeah,” “oh,” and “wow!” These may sound strange or obvious at first, but they do help the person feel like you are right on the edge of your seat, listening to every word that comes out of their mouth.
Here is the central question of our discussion. What are five ways that listening effectively can help someone succeed personally and professionally? If you can, please share a story or an example for each.
1 . Meaningful Relationships — Both personally and professionally, listening effectively can help you form stronger, more meaningful connections with people in your life. They will feel heard, understood, and cared for by you. This can lead to greater trust, respect, and dependability.
2 . Increased Self-Awareness — By learning to listen effectively you will have a better understanding of your own thoughts, feelings, and urges as you listen to the person speak. You will notice judgments and assumptions that arise for you, your emotional and physical reactions to what they’re saying, and urges or desires to respond in a specific way.
3 . Increased Other-Awareness — You get to learn a great deal about other people when you listen effectively. You’d be surprised at all the deep, dark secrets people are willing to share when they feel heard. Used for good, this means you can support them in the way they need, offer assistance, and be the best problem-solver they’ve ever had. Kind of like anticipating their needs in exactly the way they want — sometimes they won’t even remember they told you this but just appreciate your effort. Imagine how popular that might make you at work, school, or among your family and friends?
If you’ve ever wanted to be the go-to person for someone, the person they heavily rely on, depend on, and trust implicitly, using effective listening strategies as described above is the way to do it. People really love talking about themselves and as Dale Carnegie highlighted years ago in “How To Win Friends & Influence People,” getting people to talk about themselves and asking them questions is one of the best ways to leave them with a positive impression of you.
4 . Increased Freedom And Intentionality — By not reacting impulsively to what someone is saying, you are essentially practicing self-restraint, thinking before you speak, and choosing how to act based on what’s actually important to you. One of the key benefits I teach clients about practicing mindfulness is that you become less reactive and more responsive. This gives you the ability to act on your values rather than on momentary or automatic impulses. Practically, this means you get to act more like the kind of person you want to be rather than being governed by your emotions or situational stressors — all just from taking a pause and listening to someone else.
5 . Getting What You Want — Learning to listen to someone effectively gives you a higher chance of actually getting what you want via empathizing with others and supporting their emotional needs. When people feel heard and understood they’re more likely to help you in the future or align themselves with your point of view. This doesn’t mean there won’t ever be negative consequences with people you speak to or that others will always respond positively to you, but think of the phrase, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” When you engage others in meaningful conversation, they’ll remember how you made them feel and likely want to reciprocate in the future. Similarly, Maya Angelou is often quoted for saying, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” If you can make a person feel safe and seen in one conversation simply by mindfully attending to them, chances are they won’t forget you when it matters.
Something to reflect on is why you want to be an effective listener. Ideally, it’s less about manipulating others and getting them to bend to your will, and more because you find meaningful connections rewarding and enjoy getting to know others on a deeper level. That being said, it’s also okay to enjoy the positive outcomes of basic human decency and the perks of going above and beyond what other people are used to using just a few basic (learnable) skills. Making others feel heard and witnessing their sense of relief as they speak is a privilege to you as the listener and one of the greatest gifts to them.
Read the complete article here.
To learn effective communication skills that can help you with challenging relationships in your life, schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me today.