HOW TO GET AHEAD OF HOLIDAY STRESS
We’re right in that point of year after Halloween and before Thanksgiving where there’s a rare lull. The calm before the storm, for many people.
If there’s a part of you that dreads the holidays - the music, the cooking, the family gatherings - you’re not alone. Even if there are aspects of the holidays you still enjoy - the music, the cooking, the family gatherings - it doesn’t mean these can’t or won’t be stressful.
In the instance of positive feelings, this is eustress, or the kind of stress that can also be exciting, joyous, or challenging in a way that helps you grow - such as planning a wedding, preparing for a promotion, buying a house, or even planning a vacation.
Even if the feelings or outcomes are positive, stress is stress, and you can learn specific ways to manage it so it doesn’t consume your entire life and ruin the precious moments you do enjoy.
For some people, the holidays bring up feelings of sadness and mourning, especially if they’ve experienced a personal loss or experienced another traumatic event. Holidays are often marketed as a time for self-reflection and gratitude, which can be extremely difficult for someone who may be grieving or who associates holidays with loved ones they may not be able to see.
This year especially, through the time of COVID-19, many families and friends will be spending the holidays chatting through video screens and phones. Something that although may pose an inconvenience, is actually a privilege for anyone who’s lost a loved one or is otherwise unable to connect with them.
So whatever your situation may be, whether you experience stress-stress or eustress, I hope the strategies below can help equip you with some tools to get through it all.
Strategies to Manage Stress:
Know who your supports are and actually reach out to them. The people you can call, text, chat, email, snail mail, or DM when things get rough or just to let them know how you’re doing. You may not know it, but they may really need to hear from you for their own sake, which can make you feel good too.
Schedule personal time for yourself in advance. Even if you’re not feeling the pressure of it all just yet, even if you think it will be fine, plan out your “me time.” This could be a massage, a haircut, a hike, a trip, or time alone in your room to stare at the wall. Plan to have this time away by yourself and regroup, even if it means not actually doing anything. Rest is necessary and invigorating. It will make you that much better a person, employee, friend, and relative than the tired and rundown version of you.
Schedule even more personal time. That’s right. This is so important I’m writing it twice. Don’t just schedule an hour to yourself between now and 2021. Schedule this time at least on a weekly basis, if not daily (personally, I’d suggest you schedule daily “me time,” even if it’s just 10 minutes between tasks or at the beginning/end of the day). As a bonus, notice how you feel on days and weeks you do this vs. when you don’t. How do you treat other people? When are you actually more productive? When are you more compassionate? When are you least angry?
Reward yourself during and throughout the stressful time. Write words of encouragement on your fridge. A simple sign to “pause” may be enough to help you remember to do this. To go the extra mile, try a phrase like, “Alice Rizzi, you have everything you need to get through this day!” When you use your own name, it has a similar effect as though someone else were saying it. So if you enjoy getting compliments from others (or even if you don’t), try complimenting yourself. “Alice Rizzi, I’m so proud of you. I know you’re doing the best you can.” How does that feel? It’s okay if it feels uncomfortable at first. Keep trying it. If it’s really painful to do, it may be worthwhile to journal about it and ask yourself what’s coming up for you. Is it that no one has said these things to you before? Do they feel untrue? Can you let yourself grow into them?
Journal. Write about the stressful event. Write about the situation, the thoughts, the feelings, the physical sensations. Write whatever is on your mind. What do you know to be true? What feels really challenging about this specific time/event/person? What are you most looking forward to next year? Is there something small you can do to work towards it right now? If you’re looking toward resting or alone time, can you arrange for some right now? (See bullet points 2 & 3.)
Try mindfulness and meditation. You can do it the standard - eyes closed, sitting down, noticing your breathing - kind of way, or the more active, casual way, such as looking around and noticing what you can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste. What happens when you bring attention to all or some of your senses? What do you notice when you do this outside vs. inside? What is it like when you’re running, playing music, or eating?
Some people enjoy making a “self-care box.” This is a box that includes some reminders of all these practices or even specific materials to practice self-care. Can you think of what you can put in your self-care box? If you like knitting, it could be some yarn. If you enjoy drawing, it can be a sketch pad. You can keep your journal or musical instrument in there (or a guitar pick or some sheet music). You can have pictures of loved ones or nature. Or a gift card to yourself from yourself to get some coffee or warm apple cider. Get creative! Decorate your box if you enjoy arts and crafts. Even making it, knowing that you can use it on yourself in the future, can bring some added joy and relief. And in the digital age, your self-care toolkit can be in your phone, computer, or tablet. Create a note to yourself with some of these strategies or even a photo album with picture reminders. Or, have a Pinterest board with ideas.
If you have a therapist or a coach, consider scheduling an extra session or two during this time or make sure the sessions you already have book-end the stressful time/event. This way you can talk about preparing for upcoming events, as well as knowing you can debrief after the fact. If you don’t have a therapist or coach, feel free to schedule a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation to see if I might be able to support you in this time.
I hope you find some of these strategies useful and are able to find some joy and peace through it all. Contact me if you’re interested in working together.
I am Dr. Alice Rizzi, a psychologist in New York City and Brooklyn. I specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for anxiety, stress, and OCD. Contact me today to feel better and achieve your goals!