WHY DO I DO THAT?
In my last post I talked about why asking if something is normal isn’t actually helpful.
A much more helpful question to ask is, “is it in line with my values?”
This question will actually help you reflect on what’s important to you and why.
Even if someone thinks something you do is weird, if you know it’s in line with your values, you’ll feel much more confident doing it.
If you know something you did goes against your values, that’s when you’ll most likely feel guilty or ashamed.
It’s when you don’t know why you do what you do that there’s all this doubt and uncertainty about the kind of person you are or how other people perceive you.
For example, I work with a lot of people who have perfectionistic tendencies. Meaning, they like things a certain way and believe they “should” be done that way. They hold themselves and often others to a high standard.
In our work together we explore how much of that is in line with their values and how much of it is learned. Who taught them that things had to be “right” in this way? Who punished them for doing things the “wrong” way?
We talk about what it costs them and what they gain from continuing to do things this way. Does it take a lot of time, energy, resources? How do other people treat them because of it?
And at the end, it’s not about whether or not their way is “normal,” it’s about whether or not it’s in line with their values and the kind of life they want to have. It’s about the kind of person they want to be.
If it’s serving them well, bringing them joy, and the benefits outweigh the costs, then great! There’s nothing they need to change.
However, if they come to the realization that they’re losing much more than they’re gaining, that it doesn’t bring them joy or love or happiness, then they’re able to start doing something differently. Something more aligned with who they want to be now.
So nothing you do is abnormal, per se. But it might not be serving you in the way you might think.
So instead of asking, “is this normal?”
Ask:
-> Do I enjoy doing this?
-> Is this the kind of person I want to be?
-> What am I gaining?
-> What am I losing?
-> Who would I be without it?
-> Why do I do it?
-> Where did I learn it?
-> Do I want to continue doing it?
And if you want to explore these questions further, dive deeper into the kind of life you want to be living, and step into being the kind of person you want to be, book your free 15-minute phone consultation today.