WHAT AND WHO IS THERAPY FOR?
People have very different experiences in therapy. This article is meant to outline just a few of the possible experiences you may have. Read about specific skills you can learn and what characteristics may make you ready (or not) to begin the therapeutic journey.
What Is Therapy For?
Support
People can go to therapy to get additional support in their lives. At first I wanted to write “simply for support,” but I realize that for many individuals, getting support may not be so simple. You might not have anyone in your life who you can turn to who will just sit there and listen to you. Who will not judge you. Who will not put *unbearable expectations on you.
You can be who you are in therapy. You can even practice being someone totally different. Someone outgoing, if you’re usually shy. Someone silly, if you’re usually very serious. Someone serious, if you’re usually the group clown or designated party person.
Therapy can be the safest place you have in your life where vulnerability is welcome and appreciated. Therapy is absolutely a way to practice self-care.
*I say “unbearable expectations” because there are some expectations in therapy. You are expected to show up. To be on time. To respect your therapist. To be honest. To pay for the service you are getting (unless it is specifically pro bono, in which case payment is your commitment and engagement in the work).
2. Communication
In therapy, if you do feel judged, if you feel ashamed, if you think you can’t be honest with your therapist, you can let them know. It is a great space to practice difficult or uncomfortable conversations. Tell your therapist that you feel awkward. Tell your therapist if they offended you or if they “stumped” you. Tell them if they triggered an intense memory or emotion from the past. If you think they’re being a jerk or misunderstanding you. Definitely tell them if it doesn’t seem like they’re paying attention!
How they respond to you and how you respond to them will teach you A TON about relationships and how you are with other people in your life.
If you truly believe that you cannot be honest with your therapist, that’s a sign to look for someone else. Someone you will feel comfortable with and can be vulnerable around. Someone with whom you can be your best, most accomplished, most proud, most happy self, AND someone with whom you can be at your worst, down-on-yourself, can’t look anyone else in the eyes self.
That therapist is out there. Start getting to know them from the first 15-minute consultation.
3. Skill, Tools, Strategies
Therapy is a great place to learn something new. You can learn things your parents never taught you, your teachers never shared with you, and your friends never speak of. You can learn some serious life skills that not only help you to survive, but encourage and motivate you to thrive.
Sample Therapy Skills
Increased self-awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and body
Being able to recognize feelings in yourself and pause before reacting to them
Being intentional with what you say and how you say it - when, with whom, and for what reason
Learning to listen to what people say and make them feel heard and cared for
Learning to tolerate your most intense emotions such as anger, sadness, panic, worry, grief, guilt, etc.
Learning to respond to difficult thoughts, emotions, and situations in a way that feels genuine to you
Solve problems and make decisions faster and with better results
Respect yourself and others
Know at your deepest level that you have worth as a human being, that that worth is not tied to your accomplishments, and that you have a right to be treated with respect or leave situations and people in which you are not treated as such
Mindfulness and meditation
Relaxation and stress management
Tools to face specific fears such as OCD fears, social situations, public speaking, heights, flying, going out, “weird” or uncomfortable physical sensations, panic, work meetings, performances, etc.
You can learn to be the kind of person you admire. You can be your own role model. You can have the things you want in life. If other humans have done it, so can you. If no one else has done, do you want to be the first? If you don’t know, give yourself a chance to think about it.
One of the most important skills you can learn is to take time to yourself. To think, to reflect, to ask yourself, “What do I need or want right now?” and “Is there anything at all here that I can do to get it?”
Therapy can help you think about what to do next if you can do anything and what to do if you can’t.
Who Is Therapy For?
Literally anyone. You could not know what you want to get out of therapy, and still choose to try it. You might think you get more out of it if you do have specific things to work on, but sometimes that takes time to figure out and that’s okay. You don’t need to know everything as soon as you show up. You just need to be willing to start.
Sure, therapy is essential if you experience severe depression, anxiety, panic, or identify with a specific clinical concern. But that’s not all it’s for. You don’t have to have a clinical diagnosis to go to therapy.
Therapy is for professionals. It’s for people who are unemployed or between jobs. It’s for students. It’s for moms and dads. It’s for singles. It’s for people in relationships. It’s for pet owners. It’s for travelers. It’s for dreamers. It’s for pragmatic individuals. It’s for adults. It’s for kids. It’s for grandparents. It’s for people with serious medical conditions. It’s for people who’ve never been healthier. If you want it or you’re curious what it’s about, it’s for you.
Who Is Therapy Not For?
Some people might disagree with me, but I don’t think therapy is for people who are totally unwilling to experience change in their life. People who are going to disagree with everything someone else says. People who think they know “the truth” or facts about everything in any given situation. It’s not that I don’t think these people will ever find benefits in therapy, but that they likely won’t if they are unwilling.
Something most graduate students are taught in their psychology, counseling, and social work programs (and something that many people who’ve already been to therapy know), is that therapy puts up a mirror in front of you. It allows you to experience and see yourself for who you are in this moment. It’s normal to feel uncomfortable with who you see looking back at you, especially at first, but even as things change. You have to be willing to tolerate that. To have your eyes and ears and other senses open to what’s really going on. You have to be willing to tolerate discomfort, uncertainty, ambiguity, and the idea that you might be wrong, at least about some things.
If you think you already see yourself as you are, if you think you know everything there is to know about yourself and others, if you can’t respect or bear to tolerate perspectives other than yours, then therapy, at least as I see it, is probably not for you, at this time.
If you are willing to learn to be more willing, then that’s a horse of a different color.
Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with me to see if we’re a good fit or if I can point you in the right direction.
I am Dr. Alice Rizzi, a psychologist in New York City and Brooklyn. I specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for anxiety, stress, and OCD. Contact me today to feel better and achieve your goals!